My last blog post I used someones else's quote as truth for my own life. The quote said that "I" didn't feel God had my back and that we weren't on speaking terms. That's not true. I don't pray as much as I should in the formal sense of the word, but the truth that God is always listening to us has never left my psyche. Sometimes I use that as an excuse but whenever I say it im reminded of how true it is, that God is aware of everything we do and he's always present in our lives when we allow him into our heart. What i've been struggling with lately that has derived me from being as close to him as I can is the lack of a solid christian influence in my life. More than that, is a lack of a best friend. I have 3 really close friends, maybe 4, but 3 of them keep stopping me from trusting them or their availability is sketchy, the other is just not the kind of guy I can be around as much as a best friend needs to be. It's tough dealing with this and it's been on my heart for a good while now. I was driving home earlier tonight and I started to feel really overwhelmed about all the things I have bottled up inside of me that I don't either feel comfortable telling one of them, or trusting that they'll help me out in the right way. So I just go about dealing with it the best I can by myself. Hey, im still alive and ticking and going down the path that has been provided to me, so on a scale from 1-10 the complaining isn't too high. Already this is getting too personal for the kind of blog I wanted to have here, but just relieving some of the pressure this has had on my brain is good for me. I always have an answer for everything, that's just kinda what I do, but I don't have an answer for this one.